‘Attack’ on MyPillow CEO Apparently Just a Guy Who Wanted a Selfie Poking Him With a Finger

A nagging thriller involving MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell seems to have lastly been solved.

The voter fraud conspiracy theorist and Trump ride-or-die held his goofy “Cyber Symposium” in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, final week, spending a coma-inducing 72 hours availing Americans of his unsubstantiated concept that Chinese hackers and deep state goons colluded to rig the 2020 presidential election in favor of Joe Biden.

The occasion was largely an interminable wash, however one of many highlights was Lindell’s bizarre declare that he had been bodily assaulted by an unknown assailant. He made the pronouncement onstage in the course of the symposium’s final day: “Last night when I got to the hotel, I was attacked,” he stated. “I’m OK. It hurts a little bit,” he added. “I just want everyone to know all the evil that’s out there.”

Everybody was left questioning what befell the pillow salesman: Did he get jumped? Did some Hinckley-esque murderer hearth a bullet at him as he exited his automobile? Was he truly injured?

Lindell left the final word nature of the assault ambiguous, declining to essentially clarify what occurred. He appeared to suggest that “Antifa” might have been accountable, or that the leftwing gang had by some means infiltrated his convention.

At the time, Gizmodo reached out to the Sioux Falls Police Department to attempt to get some readability on the scenario and they mainly advised us that they had been legally barred from figuring out the victims of crimes or alleged crimes, however that that they had acquired a report about an alleged assault close to the location of the symposium.

A couple of days later, nevertheless, Lindell lastly revealed the dreadful nature of his assault: He had been poked too laborious. Yeah, some man poked him along with his finger. More particularly, a man walked as much as him and requested for a selfie and poked him with their finger whereas they had been taking the image collectively.

“He put his arm around and stuck his finger, it was so much pressure, I just knew if I did anything something more was coming,” Lindell stated, whereas discussing the incident on conservative discuss present FlashPoint. “He jammed it in where it was just piercing pain.”

Truly superb. Later, Lindell claimed that perhaps the man had shoved some kind of system into his ribs when he poked him—the Associated Press reviews that Lindell referenced an image that confirmed the person holding some kind of yellow object. He additional said that he had “doubled over” in ache after the incident.

However, Jeff Buongiorno, a convention attendee, advised the AP that he truly witnessed the entire thing and that, unsurprisingly, there “was no attack.” Buongiorno claims that he was “shooting the breeze” with different attendees within the resort bar after they noticed Lindell are available in. They all subsequently requested for photos and Lindell obliged, in keeping with the witness. Then one other man walked up and likewise requested for an image—and Buongiorno supplied to snap it with the person’s cellphone, he stated. This final man is the obvious finger murderer.

Appropriately, Lindell now appears to have a conspiracy concept about his fan’s personal finger: The pillow salesman told the AP that he desires to research the incident for himself to know how the man “could have shoved an object between his ribs.”

Ahh, sure. The finger was only a smokescreen for the actual weapon: a hypodermic needle crammed with Chinese nano-bots, the likes of that are certainly now racing via Lindell’s bloodstream to transform his freedom juice into communism gas. Can we get a three-day symposium collectively to look into these claims and live-stream it to tens of 1000’s of individuals? Yes? We can? Great.