Go Off the Paranoia-Soaked Deep End and Lose Your Mind

Look, the reality is that this—you are able to do all these things and nonetheless have your privateness and knowledge utterly wrecked. Hackers can nonetheless get in. Whatever Western authorities you’re residing below can in all probability nonetheless goal you with eye-of-Sauron-level surveillance. The social media firm holding your knowledge can misconfigure its databases and depart your e mail tackle and cellphone quantity uncovered. In actuality, it’s a wash.

However, should you actually need to be completely secure and ensure your private info is protected, I’ve thought of it and there are a few extra steps you may take. Here they’re:

— Drink closely and ruminate on the insanity of the trendy world.

— After a nightcap or three, go to the closest window and throw your silly pc out of it whereas screaming “I’M MAD AS HELL” like Peter Finch in Network.

— Escalate issues and murder your phone. Desolder the fucker, smash it to items with a ball-peen hammer—then burn the components in a ritualistic conflagration within the yard. Later, siphon the cellphone’s ashes into just a little glass vial and hold it round your neck to remind you of your overcome evil.

— Cancel your lease, promote your earthly possessions and simply drive. Where? It doesn’t matter. You simply need to get out of there.

— Live in a tent in an unincorporated territory and browse books and river bathe. Learn to benefit from the easy issues—just like the sound of crickets at night time, the majestic sight of a buck because it traipses throughout the prairie, and your personal physique odor.

— Pray that sometime, in some as but unseen American future, your congressional leaders will develop actual, precise testicles and introduce legal guidelines to control the dystopian company monsters which have swallowed the world and eradicated human privateness.

— Weep for humanity.